I've been AWOL for a while from my blogging endeavors, and I think most readers (if I had some outside of my Mum and coworkers) can probably guess that the financial hemorrhaging continues. My spending freeze failed and as I learned last night when I updated my YNAB account registers and budget for the first time since April, I even spent more than $380 on Amazon last quarter despite my resolution to read the books I already own instead of compulsively buying MORE.
Compulsively. That is a frightening word. When looking at the data last night though, it really did seem like I might have a problem of some kind. It's almost a reflex to log on and pick off a few items from my extensive Amazon wishlist each day. Yesterday I had to stop myself from pulling the trigger on several different online shopping purchases from Amazon and Rogue, up to and including $60 (A bargain~!) for a 10 foot length of used climbing rope. That sounds like a problem to me!
My significant other, "A", told me for the first time last night that he worries that I have a problem. He is very concerned about me stressing constantly about money and complaining loudly and often about how hard life is... and then receiving that smiling Amazon delivery box a day or two later.
In a twist of irony that almost makes me sick to my stomach, I am reading one of the books I purchased from Amazon a few months ago when I started this blog. It is entitled Financial Recovery: Developing a Healthy Relationship with Money by Karen McCall.
The author is talking about finding the deeper reasons one might have a poor relationship with money and working to create a plan to overcome them. I feel like catching up my budgeting software and starting to make a plan for exactly what goals I'm hoping to accomplish (I Googled electric cars this morning, but will likely never be able to afford one) is going to be a really helpful first step, and I'm hoping that I can get a handle on my compulsive spending habits, especially if they're getting bad enough for my loved ones to say something to me about it.
A coworker of mine managed to live frugally for a few years after college and has paid off all of her student loan debt, and I have to say that I'm really hoping I too can someday have the kind of relationship with my money where I don't just go tossing it out the window or into the blackness of the internet. I hope I too can pay off this debt and approach the rest of my life with an appreciation for living simply and being fulfilled by other things... not just a collection of books and an empty bank account.
Strategy of the day: Every time I log onto Amazon and put stuff in my shopping cart, I now have to find the willpower to delete those items and immediately transfer the money I would have spent on them directly into my credit card or savings account. I imagine that will speed their payoff considerably!
Now, according to this book, I need to be keeping a journal to keep track of some of my thoughts and plans and write down the exercises I undertake from each chapter. My very first gut reaction was to go buy a journal on Amazon... but I resisted, and instead I'll be writing my progress here. Wish me luck.
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